I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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