1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
