There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
