Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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