I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
