Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
