he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
