I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
