I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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