Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
