Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
