Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
