i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
