Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
