I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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