If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
