There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
