i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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