you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
