Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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