a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
