I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
