Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
3pm strippers are depressing
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
