just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
