Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
