all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize