i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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