I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
