Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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