what day is it and did you see me today?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
They have beer where we have blood.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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