I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
