Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
