Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
