i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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