Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize