Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
