it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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