she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
