In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
