biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
