i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
this will be a night to untag.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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