Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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