hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
