I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
