I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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