Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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