he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
