I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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