my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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