Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
