Small penises have feelings too.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry my hands just texted you
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
