Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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