remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
