found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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