y did u give ur computer a hand job?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
