True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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