I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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