Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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