You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
