Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
