I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
