I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What a dumb baby whore.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
