It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
