THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
