She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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