I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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