Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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