I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
