i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
