If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
