yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
