I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
