This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
