This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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