I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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