The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
