thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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