i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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