My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
